


Traces of You

by Fenemee



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, Non-Linear Narrative, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 18:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenemee/pseuds/Fenemee
Summary: It has been two months since I first left home to chase my dream, sixty three days since I have felt the warmth of his arms.Inspired by Day6's song, Goodbye Winter.





	Traces of You

Flakes of delicate snow fall silently onto the concrete ground, dusting over the streets outside and painting them pure white. It is almost evening now and the sun has begun to set, a dull orange glow hanging in the horizon. I place a palm on the ice-cold glass and watch from behind frost-tinted windows as a young couple stroll hand in hand in the distance. Their balance is thrown off when the girl playfully nudges the boy in his shoulder, causing them to stagger sideways, hands over their mouths as they laugh animatedly. That mere sight reminds me of us and my chest tightens. Knowing that it wouldn't do me any good to keep obsessing over the past, I take a step back from the window and tear my eyes away.

It has been two months since I first left home to chase my dream, sixty three days since I have felt the warmth of his arms. As that lonely thought runs through my mind, I can't help but think that the room has somehow grown much bigger and colder all of a sudden. I spin on my heels to switch on the heater when I realize that it has already been turned on for quite some time.

Two months in and the rented apartment still feels like a foreign and unfamiliar space, a temporary place of stay I wouldn't hesitate to leave when the time comes. Despite knowing that the lack of furnishing is not the reason why it feels so empty, I make a mental note to buy some decorations to make the place more lively.

It is the winter holidays and I should be out and about celebrating like any other young adult my age. I should be spending some time with the new friends I made in university. I don't know why but I ended up turning down one of my friend's offer to hang out today, having come up with an excuse of being ill. That aside, I can't seem to gather the motivation to conduct research on any of my assignments either. I haven't done anything for the most part of the day but oddly enough, I already feel drained. I eventually find myself slouched over the old, ratty couch that the previous owner had left behind, staring at the opposite wall absentmindedly. In the stark silence of the evening that slips into nighttime, I can almost hear his teasing voice echoing through the apartment. I know without a doubt that he would gently chide me for letting a day slip past by mourning and doing nothing productive. "Just suck it up!" is what he would have said.

Determined to shake those thoughts away, I trudge towards the kitchen to fix myself a drink. The kitchen isn't much to look at. It is small and cramped like the rest of the apartment but it is all that the bank loan allows me to afford. Four years, I had convinced myself. All I have to do is pull myself through four years in university and soon, I would be on my way home, back to him.

My train of thought is broken when the ear-splintering sound of ceramic crashing pulls me back to reality. My hazy vision refocuses and the mug of hot chocolate lies on the ground in broken shards. Big splats of murky liquid sit in puddles on the white tiles like ugly, dark stains marring a new canvas. With a weary sigh, I tiptoe my way across the kitchen, careful to avoid any sharp pieces. The heavy aroma of chocolate invades my nostrils, the sweet scent overwhelming yet strangely familiar. It throws me back to the memory lane and reminds me of the late nights we often spent at each other's place. It brings me back to the time when we were just two teenagers living in our own world, not needing to spare a thought for the future.

"Ohh crap," a muffled sound left Jaehyung's throat before he hissed in annoyance.

"So what is it this time?" I asked calmly, gaze still trained on the movie playing before us. I couldn't help but remain unfazed. Jaehyung had a penchant for overreacting. "Please tell me you didn't get fired for the third time this month."

"Hey, that's not fair! I've only been fired once since the start of February. Besides, that's- that's not the point," he murmured quietly. Puzzled by his uneasy tone, I twisted my neck to face him. My eyes fell on his chest almost immediately, widening in alarm when they drank in the sight of the fresh stain on his white pullover. Half of his hot chocolate was spilled all over his front, his hands trembling as they clutched the mug tightly, as if to make up for his earlier mistake.

Jaehyung's lanky frame was locked in a shock-still position as the remaining liquid swished gently in the mug. As soon as he recovered and felt my mocking eyes on him, he averted his gaze downwards and cussed under his breath. I couldn't resist the urge to roll my eyes as a lazy smirk crawled up my face. He knew exactly what was coming.

"I think you might have broken a world record," I teased as my right hand reached forward to grab some napkins off the coffee table. "You spilled your drink seconds into the movie. We're barely even done with the opening credits." I gestured towards the screen nonchalantly, hoping to irk Jaehyung as much as I could.

At a loss for words to defend himself with, his lips parted and closed without a single sound. I couldn't help but think that his gaping mouth resembled the mouth of a dying fish flopping on dry land. Jaehyung eventually settled on shooting me a dirty look as he set his mug down and snatched the napkins rudely from me.

It was a typical Friday, nothing particularly special about that day. The morning and afternoon were spent in school, the both of us dozing off on our desks as our teachers droned on and on drearily. It felt as if we were helplessly caught in a never-ending, monotonous routine of having to attend classes. Nighttime, however, painted a different story. Knowing that my parents were heading to the neighboring town for a week, I had seized the opportunity to invite Jaehyung over to crash for a sleepover. We decided to put on 'The Ring', since there was nothing that could beat a classic horror movie at twelve midnight. At least, that was what Jaehyung had said.

"I'm never going to let this slide," I announced with a dark chuckle. "This is such a hit to your ego! Mentally prepare yourself, because the next time you brag about being unafraid of horror, I'll make sure to bring this up in a split second."

"You're kidding, right? I really wasn't scared at all," Jaehyung claimed as he waved my words away dismissively. Seeing how unconvinced I was, he continued. "C'mon, did you not see how ridiculous the ghost looked? I spilled my drink because I couldn't stop laughing. I have to say, my outfit as a pumpkin for Halloween last year was more frightening."

My eyes bored into his, sending him a knowing look that said I wasn't about to take in whatever bullshit he was blabbering. "Tough luck but that's not going to work on me. I've known you for almost half my life. I'd be stupid to believe you," I snorted and his chest deflated.

"Suit yourself," Jaehyung answered flatly as he attempted to salvage what was left of his shirt. I hit the pause button on the remote and shifted my position, leaning down to wipe the few stray drops that had splattered on the new ivory couch. My mom was going to kill me when she returned.

Jaehyung's brows were furrowed in frustration, hands busy as they tried to scrub clean his pullover with the help of a few napkins. I found myself huffing out in amusement, aware that this method of his would take him years to remove the stubborn stain. Soon enough, Jaehyung threw himself back on the couch with a strangled moan. His limbs were splayed out in defeat, long bangs flopping sadly over his glasses and into his eyes.

"To think that this was my all time favorite," he sulked as he caressed the hem lovingly. "Don't you recall how we bought it together last year? It feels just like yesterday," he sighed, gently bringing the collar up to his face before inhaling deeply. "Just a heads up, I might shed a tear or two when I gather the strength to bury it tomorrow."

"Jae!" I exclaimed incredulously, masking my amusement with a slight grimace. "Have you not heard of an invention called the washing machine? Take your shirt off and I'll toss it right in. You'll be surprised- the machine works wonders. In the meantime, feel free to rummage through my closet. I have a few oversized shirts that might be able to fit."

Jaehyung obliged and needless to say, his pullover came out of the washer perfectly clean. It was as good as new with no signs of its previous stain, as though the incident had never occurred in the first place. But till this day, whenever he wears that particular shirt out, sometimes, I find myself making out the faintest whiff of hot chocolate wafting through the air. It hits me at this very moment that the mundane moments we share are perhaps the ones I miss the most.

It takes me awhile to wipe the floor clean and rid it of the broken shards. As I dispose of the sharp, fragmented pieces of porcelain into the bin, I find my back sore from having bent over too much. I decide that it would do me good to get a breath of fresh air and go out for a stretch after hours of idling at home. Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I slip into my winter coat and head out to the nearby park. Wet clumps of snow cascade down from the darkened skies as I take a step out from beneath the shelter. The air is dry and frigid cold, prompting me to pull the zipper of my coat all the way up. A wave of regret washes over me as I stuff my hands into my pockets, realizing that I had forgotten to put on my gloves before I left the apartment.

A high pitched laughter pierces through the silence of the night and startled, my head snaps up. Ahead, two young boys roll about and tumble clumsily in piles of snow as they toss snowballs at one another. Their beanies are half-hanging off their heads, leaving their hair dusted in white. Exhilarated, they start chasing each other past skeletal trees with bouts of seemingly never-ending energy, cheeks flushed rosy red as their parents watch fondly from a distance. The scene is endearing enough to bring a soft smile to my lips as I stroll pass them.

At this point in time, the sun had long set. The dim stretch of road to the park would have been completely enveloped in darkness if not for the illumination of streetlights leaning against the trunks of old, sturdy trees. The sky is an inky expanse of jet-black, as though someone had taken a blanket and thrown it over this small town. There are no stars in sight and even the moon is partially hidden behind the ominous clouds gathering overhead. As I settle on a bench by the frozen lake, white clusters of snow fall from great heights, shimmering like tiny droplets of clear water against the dull backdrop of the night.

The sight of the stark emptiness above manages to stir a strange feeling within me. I am suddenly reminded of a past incident and my breathing quickens. It is a memory that has been buried deep beneath, a long forgotten moment that would have otherwise been lost forever.

"Maybe we should head back," I suggested wearily, throwing my weight backwards into the seat which protested with a squeak. "It's been hours since the sun went down but we've yet to see anything. Besides, it's really stuffy in here and I would much rather return home to the comfort of my sweet, loyal bed."

Jaehyung had a contemplative look written on his face. He seemed to be deciding between taking my advice or choosing to stay. His eyes were trained on the purple skies as his fingers tapped the steering wheel impatiently, as if waiting for the stars to magically appear.

The both of us were in his father's old truck, parked on the outskirts of town right where the houses end and the endless stretch of trees begin. Jaehyung had gotten his driver's license the day before and had immediately pounced on me as he broke through my front door. His eyes were sparkling with excitement behind thick-rimmed glasses as he grasped my arms tightly. He then announced his decision to take me out on an overnight trip near the edge of the forest, where he claimed he saw so many stars one night they resembled "a Christmas tree jammed with light bulbs".

"We could have gone shopping in the city, or maybe visit the many beaches on the other side of the country. I still don't get why you would wish to come here. We've lived in this tiny, dreary town all our lives. There's nothing particularly special about this place."

"That, I disagree." Jaehyung said disapprovingly as he squared his shoulders up in newfound determination. "You just have to wait for the right moment. I couldn't help but think of bringing you here the moment I spotted the stars while cycling on this stretch of road with Wonpil."

There was a half-grin on his face as he joked, his eyes lighting up like a child's at the memory of that night. I couldn't help but feel sorry for even suggesting to abandon the trip. Jaehyung must have invested so much thought and effort into the planning, even managing to persuade my normally strict and rigid dad to allow him to borrow me for a night.

"But still-"

"Besides," he cut in, "I know this sounds silly... but I kind of enjoy the silence. It's so serene and peaceful here. Don't even get me started on how rejoiced I am to be able to escape the chaos that is Dowoon for a night."

I nodded my head slowly as I took in his words. "Yeah, since we already came all the way out here, it makes sense to stay. And no worries, I get you. Any sane person would leave home once in a while if they had Dowoon as a neighbor. That guy's just way too passionate about his drums."

Jaehyung barked out a laugh, waving his hands about as he spoke. "Sometimes, there's this overwhelming urge for me to run up to his door at two in the morning and scream for him to quiet down. But at the end of the day, I just can't find the heart to do so. There's something about Dowoon that reminds me of a lost puppy," he said in resignation, shoulders hunched forward in defeat.

I chuckled at that, images of Sungjin and Brian cooing over Dowoon at school like a newborn baby flashing across my mind.

"And back to the point- you shouldn't worry over whether there are stars or not."

As soon as those words left his mouth, I found myself filled with dread as a huge smirk planted itself on his face.

"Don't do it if you still want to live," I hissed menacingly, hoping that he would take the threat in my voice as a warning. Having known him for a decade meant that I knew exactly what was coming.

"Because babe," Jaehyung slurred with a lopsided grin, one I really wanted to wipe off with a slap. "I can be your star."

"That, was the cringiest thing I've ever heard. I'm all the more tempted to leave now so I can take a shower and wash off all your grease." I shuddered in disgust. "Where did you learn that from, anyway, pickuplines.com? I swear to god it better not be Brian who taught you all this. I'm thinking that he's starting to become a bad influence."

"Now I'm offended," he huffed, lower lip jut out like a petulant child's. "I'm the one who's been teaching Brian how to hit on girls, not the other way round."

"That's hardly something to brag about," I pointed out but Jaehyung was barely listening. His eyes were fixated on the darkness above and they seemed to be searching for something.

"Look up," he said, his voice more serious than before. "If you look closely enough, the empty night sky doesn't look half that bad anymore. You'll start to notice the swirls of purple and black mixed together like oil spills on a canvas. You see that? Those shadows? I'm guessing they might be the clouds overshadowing the moon."

"You're right," I murmured as I strained my neck, inching my head out of the open window. "Now that I'm seeing things from your perspective, it's not just a plain sheet of black anymore. I see different layers to it, black, purple and blue."

"Yeah, and it's beautiful."

As we took in the view of the sky, I slowly repositioned my body to face him. "Don't you think that it's kind of sad how we never really appreciate what we have until we are forced to. Take the beauty of nighttime, for example. It's almost like it's a part of human nature to take things for granted."

"Do you?" Jaehyung breathed.

I frowned slightly, not getting what he meant. "Do I what?"

"Do you ever take things, people around you for granted?" He turned away as he mumbled those words, face turned towards the window. Jaehyung said nothing for a while, his words choking the air. I could almost hear the question that would follow- one day, will you leave me too?

It was rare to witness this side of him. I knew exactly what lay beneath those words and my heart clenched at the weight of his trembling voice. It encompassed the pain of a child whose mother had abandoned him, the insecurity he carried in fear that history might one day repeat itself.

"Jaehyung," I whispered sadly. Knowing that he was emotionally fragile at the moment, I took a minute to carefully structure my next words. "You're my best friend. You've become such a precious, integral part of my life that I honestly don't know how I'll be able to function without you. I'll probably feel so lost and alone. Does that answer your question?"

He didn't say anything, merely humming in response. As my eyelids fluttered shut, warm skin touched mine, causing them to shoot open in surprise. Jaehyung was still faced the other way but his right hand was on mine. It was squeezing mine tightly like he was holding on for dear life and in a way, maybe he was. I could imagine his eyes welled up with tears as he stared out onto the dark road, memories of his mother's absence haunting him. I placed my other hand over his to return the squeeze, hoping that it would somehow be of comfort to him.

The late night bled into the early morning as we spent hours talking about the little things in life, some happy, others not so much. Looking back now, I realize that the sky has never looked as beautiful as it did that night, back when there were just the two of us in that rusty old truck, laughing and crying our troubles away.

Something cold and hard slams into my face and snaps me out of my daydream. It leaves me in shock for a moment, brain trying to register the stinging sensation from where the object had collided with my cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Miss. I-I didn't mean to hit you, I swear! I was aiming for my friend." Bundled in an oversized coat, one of the young boys from before apologizes as he scurries over with tiny steps. He bows his head forward, eyes squeezing shut in shame when he spots remnants of the snowball sliding down my face.

"I'm really, really sorry," he drawls out, earnest orbs gazing into mine as he apologizes profusely.

"No worries at all, I'm fine. A little snow wouldn't hurt anybody," my face melts into a warm grin as I casually shrug the remaining snow off my shoulders. At the sight of the worry on his face, I bend down to ruffle his brown hair reassuringly. Slowly but uncertainly, the boy nods obediently before he hurries back to his friend, turning back once more to shout goodbye.

Still smiling at how adorable he is, I wave in response as I hop onto my feet. The bone-chilling temperature of the night prompts me to return to the apartment for warmth. The cold had managed to seep through the layers of my winter coat, making me shiver. As my bare hands reach out to touch where the snowball had touched, all of a sudden, it feels as though I have been transported to the past. The sight of the two boys hurling snow at each other brings forth fond memories of when Jaehyung and I used to do the same. All of a sudden, I am reminded of home.

"Are you awake? Can you hear me?" A voice from the outside rang through the silence of the early morning and startled me awake. Dazed and grumpy with exhaustion, I ignored it as I rolled over in my blankets, the voice fading away as my eyelids fell shut once more.

"...hello? I've been yelling for ten minutes now. If you don't get out of bed soon, I'm afraid you'll have to open the door to my frozen corpse," he continued to called out, his pleas dripping with impatience. The voice sounded painfully familiar but I found myself too drowsy with sleep to bother discerning who it was.

It was silent for a minute or two and I naturally assumed that the guy had given up and left. I was slowly getting pulled to dreamland once more, mind blanking out and surrendering to the sweet lure of darkness when a series of knocks hammered against my window, jolting me awake for the second time. Refusing to let whoever it was on the outside win, I let out a long groan and shifted to my side, tucking the sheets securely beneath my chin. And then something hard hit me square in the face and an animalistic cry tore its way through my throat.

My eyes automatically flew wide open in horror and were welcomed by the sight of Jaehyung sitting on the edge of my bed, hair still mussed and not yet changed out of his neon green pajamas. There was a sickeningly smug expression plastered on his face, evidently pleased that he had managed to scare the daylights out of me.

"How the hell did you get in here? This is trespassing," I snarled as I jumped into a sitting position. I grabbed the nearest pillow I could reach and threw it at him, irked that he had disturbed my rest.

"Woahh, you sure are feisty even in the morning! Take a deep breath and calm down there," Jaehyung backed away with a chuckle, palms faced out to show that he meant no harm. "You refused to open the front door, so I decided that I might as well get in through your window, since your room is on the first level. You never lock your window anyway..."

That was when my line of vision landed on the blob of white that stood out strikingly from the dark blue of my sheets. My mouth gaped open in disbelief as I prodded at it with a finger. "Is that... a snowball? Did you just hurl a snowball at me? I can't believe you."

Jaehyung shrugged. "I didn't have a choice. You were sleeping like a log. It was either that or a wakeup kiss from me." He smacked his lips wetly and I almost gagged.

"What time is it?" My mood soured as I peered out of the half-open window he had hopped in from and registered how it was still dark on the outside.

"It's six," he broke out into a huge beam and extended his arms, "otherwise known as the perfect time to rise and shine!"

"But it's Sunday," I retorted. "It's a crime to wake someone up that early on a weekend."

"Look at you, you're missing the whole point." Jaehyung's brows furrowed in displeasure as he advanced closer towards me. He didn't stop until his lips were hanging dangerously close to my ear, as though the news he was about to spill was something dangerous, something scandalous. "The point is, it's snowing! God knows why it took so long but it's finally snowing."

"I know. How can I not when you threw that snowball right smack in my face?" I fell back into my sheets once more, not yet ready to wake up and face the world. "Now leave me alone so I can go back to sleep. Oh, and send yourself out through the window. I'm too lazy to get up and open the front door."

Like a child that was told off by his parent, Jaehyung's jovial expression turned bitter at that. "C'mon, there's no way we're missing out on a snowball fight just so you can sleep," he insisted, sounding a tad more exasperated with each word.

"Jae... we're no longer kids," I mumbled, words slurring with exhaustion. "In fact, we're already eighteen."

"And? What does that have to do with anything?"

"What do you think?"

"I think, that we should head out to embrace the start of a great, might I add, snowing day instead of just lazing around in bed." There was a mischievous look on his face and the determined glint in his eyes told me that there was no way he was going to back down anytime soon.

"You never lose an argument, do you?" I sighed in resignation and almost instantly, Jaehyung lunged across the bed to throw his arms around me in delight. I shrugged his embrace off in feigned disgust. "Just give me a moment, alright? I'll go wash up." With that, I waved him away as I stumbled out of bed, bones creaking from long hours of inactivity.

Maybe if I had listened to my gut instinct and stayed home that day, I wouldn't have caught a terrible cold. Out of guilt, Jaehyung stayed by my side and nursed me back to health. He even went to the mart and bought me the "offensively overpriced brand of tea you, for some reason, just simply adore", or so he would like to call it. The mere memory of worry pinching his forehead as he fed me warm tea through a straw is enough to make my heart flutter.

The shrill sound of my phone ringing jerks me back to reality. Disoriented, I spend a few seconds in a daze before my fumbling fingers manage to pick up the call.

"Hello," I answer, wincing a little when I hear my own voice waver. I inhale deeply as I attempt to shake images of Jaehyung out of my head.

"What's up?" The voice on the other end greets and all my senses sear to life. "How have you been? Has university been good so far?"

My grip on the phone loosens and I let out a sigh of relief, as though I have been awaiting his call for a long time. How do I tell him that I miss him much more than I thought I would? How do I say that I haven't been myself ever since I left home, constantly plagued by memories the past? How do I put into words the heartache I feel at being constantly reminded of him wherever I go?

"Jae," I breathe out instead, head giddy with happiness. My heart thumps a little faster as I wait for him to speak, free hand grabbing the hem of my coat nervously.

"Where are you? It's late. Are you not yet home?" Jaehyung demands and I can almost imagine his brows arranging themselves into a straight line. His voice is warm and familiar, causing a wave of overwhelming emotions to choke me. The words are stuck in my throat as he waits for my reply.

"It's cold over there," he says, this time in a gentler tone. "I'm worried. You'll fall sick if you spend too much time on the outside."

"I'll be fine. I was just taking a short walk around the park. I'm heading back now."

"Good to know that you're out and not just cooped up in the apartment studying. Remember to dress warmly at all times, alright? And don't forget your gloves- you always forget them." A twinge of guilt runs through me and my bare hands clench themselves into fists, willing myself not to cry.

"You're nagging too much as usual. But don't worry, I will," I whisper into the phone, lips curling into the faintest hint of a smile. I give myself some time to keep my emotions under control, not wanting to let him know how his simple words have managed to make me tear up. Then, jokingly, "I'm not a child anymore, I can take care of myself."

"I really hope so," he sighs, genuinely concerned. "Now, hurry up and head back inside. I have to go so I'll call you back soon!"

How soon? The question lingers at the tip of my tongue. But just as the words are about to spill, the call comes to an end.

That moment between us was too short, too fleeting. Nonetheless, my heart warms a little as I climb the steps of the old, dingy staircase leading up to my apartment floor. It has only been two months since I first arrived in this foreign land to pursue my studies. Yet, it feels sixty three days too long since I last saw the way he crinkles his eyes whenever he laughs or felt the warmth of his hands.

In this distant country where nothing resembles home, the trivial and insignificant things somehow manage to remind me of him. There are four more years to go and my heart sinks at that thought.

The tears slide down my cheeks, down my chin and they splatter silently onto the concrete of the moldy stairs. In all the dreadful moments of my life, nothing can compare to this feeling of stark hollowness in my chest. I have never felt this miserable and alone.

"Why do you care? You shouldn't. This is none of your concern!" I had shouted at him once as I sank to my knees, back sliding down the peeling wall of the school's deserted choir room. Tears ran in rivulets down my cheeks and the corners of my mouth curled into an ugly, bitter snarl.

Jaehyung had said nothing back then. His only response to my outburst was to stand still before me, a tall, comforting figure looming over my weak and crumpled self. His hands were balled into tight fists, lips pursed and sealed shut, as if willing himself not to speak in case his anger led to words being said on impulse. It was the first and last breakup I ever went through, and it tore me apart.

"I don't need him. He was an asshole anyway," I hissed under my breath, tone sour and dripping with acidity. "Yeah, he was a total asshole now that I think about it. How could he just toss me away so heartlessly?" A cruel laugh bubbled through my throat. "I don't need him."

I calmed down a little as I tried to steady my breathing, taking in long drags of breath before exhaling heavily. Slowly, Jaehyung sat himself down beside me, long legs stretched before him and blonde head in his hands. I dried my tears with the long sleeves of my jacket and shifted to face him, waiting for him to speak.

"You know that Sungjin wasn't one, right?" He spoke quietly, as if wary of my response.

Not knowing what he meant, I frowned. "What?"

A pause, then: "He wasn't an asshole."

It took me a moment to internalize his words before they hit me like a train. A surge of anger ran through me as I gaped at him in disbelief. "How dare you say that? He was the one who broke up with me! You know what, maybe you just don't get how I feel. You're not the one he broke up with anyway. You're not the one feeling the pain."

"Don't say that." A look of hurt flashed across his eyes as he ran a hand down his face. "How can you even think of that?"

"Why not?" I spat as I jerked my chin up to glare at him. "You, of all people, are taking his side. I guess I'm really alone now."

Jaehyung shook his head in disappointment and sank into silence once more. It was so unlike him to be this way, so cold and distant. Just when I thought he would give up on comforting me and leave, he slung an arm around my shoulder and squeezed gently. I considered shrugging it off in spite but decided not to, realizing the warmth he offered was one I desperately needed. When I didn't stray away from his touch, Jaehyung took it as a sign to pull me closer and I obliged, moving in to lean my head on his shoulder, soiling his shirt with my tears. We stayed in that same position for a long while, neither of us willing to disturb that fragile moment of peace.

"I'm sorry."

When Jaehyung didn't reply, I looked over and saw how his eyes were screwed shut, as though he was in physical pain.

"I'm sorry for behaving the way I did, for being unreasonable.” My voice was louder this time, trembling with shame. "And you're right, it's not his fault things had to end this way. I... I was wrong for putting all blame on him when he didn't want to leave. He didn't have a choice in moving."

Jaehyung nodded slowly to acknowledge my words. He broke into a grin, one I could tell was forced. "Thank god you've come to your senses. I'm glad you thought things through, you brat.” His small smile made me feel all the more remorseful and I hung my head low as he continued his words. “I knew you wouldn’t say things like that, that it was just your emotions getting the better of you. It'll take time, but trust me, you'll heal. Just remember that I’ll always be on your side. You’ll always have me.”

There were a million better words I could have responded with, but I was an emotional wreck at that moment and all I said was: "You should leave, please. I want to stay here for a little while longer."

Jaehyung's eyes fluttered open and before I could grasp the emotions in them, he turned to face away, hurt.

"You don't get to decide. I'd leave when I want to," he said, attempting to lighten up the mood. But from across the room, through the mirror that took up one wall of the choir room, I caught how his eyes were brimming with tears. That image was forever burned into the back of my mind, guilt seeping into me as I saw how he had been reduced to a small, hunched figure beside me.

I was immature and foolish back then. Jaehyung has been with me through the toughest of times. He stayed by my side and kept silent regardless of how unreasonable I could be, sometimes even going as far as to lash out at him.

Regret fills me as I climb the final, last few steps to my door. I can't help but think that I should treat him better the next time we meet, having realized what an important figure he is in my life. And then my eyes fall onto him and my jaw drops in disbelief. I stand rooted to the ground as I drink in his features. Slowly, I take in his long limbs and blonde hair, his oversized glasses and his bright, boxy smile.

"I knew it," Jaehyung sighs, putting down a familiar brand of tea in his hands when he catches sight of me. "I told you to take care of yourself, didn't I? It's not even Christmas yet but you're looking like Rudolph. Your nose is red, you've caught a cold."

"S-sorry," I manage to stutter and he cracks a grin.

"Guess I'm doomed to serve you tea through a straw while you recuperate in bed, huh?"

Still unable to process the fact that he is indeed right here, standing before me, my mouth falls open as I gape at him. Jaehyung laughs and I continue to stand in spot, frozen in shock.

"Hello," he smiles gently.

"Hello," I breathe out. Then, like relieving a huge burden off my back, the words flow out naturally. "I miss you. I miss you so, so much."

And in this moment, as we stare into each other's eyes, bright, genuine smiles painted on our lips, everything in the world seems to fall back into place.


End file.
